John 3:19-21. “And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed. But whoever does what is true comes to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his works have been carried out in God.”

Habits can be hard to break. This is especially true if we continually believe the lies we tell ourselves–that this habit isn’t hurting anyone and that it’s just how life is.

This first week of my sabbatical, I decided to break a bad habit of mine: staying up late. I had convinced myself this was not a big deal. After all, I’m not a morning person anyway. And, after a long day of slogging it out in life, I just needed some time to myself, to decompress, to zone out, to veg. (My fellow introverts know exactly what I’m talking about.)

So, after the kids were put to bed, my wife and I would go downstairs and watch a show to two. She’d get tired and head off to bed, and I would stay up, scrolling through reels on Facebook, or playing a video game on my phone. Sometimes, I would watch another show without her. And I would often time be up well past midnight. Some nights I didn’t go to bed until 1:00am, sometimes 2:00 am, and on occasion 3:00am. I simply wasn’t tired. And rarely (if ever), was my activity productive. Yet, I would justify it by tossing in a load of laundry to alleviate some of the guilt of wasting my time and betraying my much-needed sleep.

And yes, the guilt I would feel was real. I didn’t like this habit I had developed, yet it was one I couldn’t seem to break. In reality, my habit of staying late had caused me to become one of the people Jesus is describing in John 3. I loved the darkness: It was calm. It was quiet. It was filled with things that caused dopamine to fill my brain. It was rife with temptation. And nothing I did brought me any closer to God. In fact, it was just the opposite…

So, dear reader, I am therefore exposing my wickedness. Yes, I am owning my sin. (Really, sin? Staying up late is a sin? No, but the things I was doing while staying up late were sinful.) I’m not exposing my sin to create a pity-party for myself. I am owning it so I can repent of it. And I’m sharing it so that hopefully you can also see the habit (or habits) in your life that is in need of breaking.

And I took drastic action to break this bad habit of mine: I gave up coffee for eleven days. For me, eleven days was enough for the cloud of grogginess to lift. Eleven days was enough for the headaches of withdrawal to subside. (During this time, I also gave up my habit of taking 10 mg of melatonin each night before bed.) It was time for a hard reset, and this first week or so of intentional rest was just the ticket I needed to break this habit. And break it, I did.

I am, by no means, now a morning person. I still experience sleep inertia. But, I give God thanks and praise for the Holy Spirit convicting me of my sin, so that I had opportunity to repent of it. And I give thanks and praise to God for forgiving me of that sin, so that I may come to the light, (literally and figuratively), and establish a new habit in its place. For sleep is a beautiful thing, finding our rest in the Lord.

And my prayer for you, dear reader, is that God may awaken you to the bad habit (or habits) in your life in need of breaking. And that, by His grace and mercy, you too may stop believing the lies you tell yourself to justify it, and take the necessary action to correct it.

**Photo by Jackson Hendry on Unsplash